the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
pray to the hookup gods
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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