I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
