somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
