Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
