you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
