i don't plan on having that self control this summer
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
