Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
