Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
