check it out our google latitudes are spooning
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm like, not good at living.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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