she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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