Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
