I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
