I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
