Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
