im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
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He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
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He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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