I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
