vagina is talking i cant
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
