we're chasing vodka with high fives
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
