Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Who died my cat blue again?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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