Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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