I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
