Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
