why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
