Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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