I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We need to get me chipped asap
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
