i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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