i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
