wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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