i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
