Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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