some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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