i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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