pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
