What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Randomize