just come out here and I will go home with you...
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
