Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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