I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
