talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Betty ford says i'm here all night
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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