The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
