He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
