I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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