She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
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hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
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I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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