He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
