I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize