I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he was CRYING into my vagina
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
