Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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