I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
