I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You have to summon your inner elephant
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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