my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
