it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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