Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
