The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
