Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
