we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
