did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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