you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
