He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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