Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
