My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
