Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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