Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
